The Artifact
by Growlie
Summary: This is pretty much a short little Spin-off from the Ancient Guardian Of The Sea, with Squidward poking fun at his archrival Squilliam since nobody can hold the artifact but him. This could also serve as a bit of a prologue in a way to my main story!


SpongeBob SquarePants The Ancient Guardian Of The Sea The Artifact

Happy to leave a surprised sponge and starfish behind, Squidward returns home with the artifact in hand. He still couldn't quite understand why they've complained about it being heavy, for him, it was very light-weight. The octopus understood SpongeBob's reasoning, as he wasn't all that strong. But Patrick on the the other hand, was pretty strong, so he didn't know why he complained at all about it being heavy. Putting all that aside, Squidward opens the door to his house and, after closing it behind him, studies the newest edition to his collection with a satisfied smile. "Wow! It's Simply Beautiful!" Squidward said as he then set it down on his table, he then frowned as he took a closer look at it. "Hmmm! Looks sorta dirty-I better clean it!" Taking the stone egg, Squidward goes into his kitchen and set it the sink. Then turning the water on, Squidward grabs a rag, some soap, and begins scrubbing.

ONE HOUR LATER...

The octopus let out a sigh while wiping his tentacle across his forehead. "Whew! That took longer then I thought it would!" And once he finished drying it off, Squidward held the now shiny artifact up to the light, his eyes lit up as he caught the glow coming from the diamond tentacles on each side of the egg. [chuckles]-"Boy! Squilliam would be jealous of me!" Now laughing, Squidward takes the marble egg up to the bedroom and set it down on his nightstand. And for the rest of the day, the happy cephalopod then crafts a nice marble podium for the artifact to sit on, which he then adds to the rest of his artwork. Squidward even made little marble recreations of the stone egg, though he could never get the same shine on them as the original artifact. But Squidward admired his work anyway, and he even paints a picture of the marble artifact as well.

The cephalopod hums a happy tune as he's painting, and even when his phone was ringing, Squidward was to focused on his work to even bother answering it. Letting the phone to ring acouple more times, Squidward continues on with his painting until he finishes it and leaves it to dry while he set down to relax. Switching on the tv, the octopus set down and begins to flip through the channels. The phone had stopped ringing be then, but Squidward didn't care. Feeling as if it wasn't to important anyway, he then settled on a certain program and put his four feet up as he leans back. As 9:30 rolled around, the tired cephalopod turns off the Tv and retired to bed, he took one glance at the artifact before he fell asleep. Spending a whole night undisturbed by the neighbors, meanwhile the suppose caller that had been unable to get through to the cephalopod, had finally decided that he would just pay a visit if he still got no answer the next morning.

Seven O'Clock In The Morning!

"I'm Reeeeeeeeeeeady!" Squidward awoke to the familiar cries of his spongy neighbor, SpongeBob, as he was starting his day much to the dismay of the octopus. He then heard a knock on his door and let out a heavy sigh when he open the door and see the yellow sponge standing there smiling. "Hey Squidward!"

"What could you possibly want this early in the morning?"

"Well, I was just curious to know If you still had that egg! I want to show it off, I brought my camera so I could take a picture." Squidward rolled his eyes, but stood aside so the yellow sponge could enter the house, which he does quickly. "Fine, SpongeBob-You can take a picture just don't-!

"Is that It Squidward?"

"No SpongeBob, that's just a recreation!" The cephalopod said as he watched SpongeBob run over to take a closer look. "Wow! You're such a great artist Squidward! It looks just like it!" This made Squidward all the more happier, and then when SpongeBob tries to take a picture of his neighbor's project, his camera just stop working. "Fishpaste!" SpongeBob replied when discovering that camera was now useless. Squidward simply took the camera from the yellow sponge, deciding to just give him his recreation instead. "Here! Just take this instead.

Really?

SpongeBob asks, his eyes glittering as he held his neighbor's project. "Yes SpongeBob, yes!" Although Squidward had just done it so the yellow sponge would leave, cause he wanted to enjoy having a day off. "Thanks Squidward! I'll Take Care Of-!"

"Well I hope so! Because don't count on me giving you another one!"

Squidward was saying as he was pushing SpongeBob towards the exit. "You mean I can have it?"

"Do I need to give it to you in writing? Because I'm sure the writer of this story is doing that already!

"Oh You're The Best Neighbor Ever!"

SpongeBob shouted, stepping out of Squidward's house. "Yeah, yeah! Now hurry off, don't want to be late, do you?" Squidward shouted, waving his tentacle before slamming his door shut and taking a much needed breath. After taking in a big breath, and letting it out, Squidward decided to take full advantaged of his time alone and play his clarinet. Sitting by his spot near the window, Squidward then begins to play as he gazed proudly at the marble artifact sitting on it's podium. A few minutes had passed before the cephalopod's music was interrupted by a few knocks on his door, which makes him roll his eyes and stop playing. "I had a feeling SpongeBob would be back!"  
Sighing, Squidward got up and goes over to his door with a frown. "I'm Coming! I'm Coming!" Squidward groaned as he answers the door.  
"SpongeBob what ar-" He cut himself off when he saw that it wasn't the yellow sponge at all, instead it was his archrival Squilliam. "Squilliam? What are you doing here?"

"Well I've been trying to get ahold of you Squiddy!"

The wealthy octopus replied, raising his unibrow. "But you haven't been answering your phone so I thought I'd drop by!"

"Oh, that was you? [clears throat]-Nice!"

Squidward gave a sarcastic response. "Well, come on in then-" Although his entire mood changed not a second later. -"Since you're here, I can show you what me and SpongeBob found yesterday." While he's sorta confused, Squilliam was suddenly curious about this supposed item that his rival now had and followed him, he was on his guard to. Feeling that Squidward may had set up a trap for him, all that was completely forgotten when he caught sight of the Marble egg sitting on it's podium. Squilliam's eyes glittered when he notices the diamond tentacles in the light. [stuttering]-"Squi-Squiddy wha-what is That?" He was breathtaken, which amused Squidward alot, as he now had something to rub in his face. "I don't know, my guess is that it's somekind of ancient artifact."  
[stuttering]-"An-Ancient Artifact?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

"Bu-but Squidward-where the Barnacles did you Find It?" Squilliam fumbled over his words while he was studying all the little diamonds along each of the tentacles, his mouth open. "Sweet Neptune! Don't Go Drooling All Over It!" Squidward shouted as he stuffed a rag in Squilliam's mouth, the cephalopod shot alittle glare at him and pulls the rag out of his mouth. "Bah! I wasn't drooling!" Squilliam said this as he was wiping his mouth. "Anyway-" Squidward continued. -"Me and my neighbor SpongeBob found it in one of the caves in Jellyfish Fields-"  
The octopus explained all this as he's carefully lifting the marble egg up, which Squilliam acting like it would shatter if he dropped it. "Ar-are you going to put it in the museum?"  
[snickering]-"Am I going to put it in the museum? Ha! Nope! This beauty is staying with me! Those, on the other hand-" He then waves his tentacle at his other art projects he had made of his artifact. "I might just send them in-"

"Those are all fakes-!"

"Of course they are captain obvious! But I can't just part with this! I don't know how to explain it but-I feel-some sort of strange aura whenever I'm holding it-Almost like it's-attached to me-" Squilliam just stared at him. "What do you by-attached?"

"Well, I think I'm the only one who can hold it-"

Already abit annoyed, Squilliam reached out for Squidward's artifact. "Oh really? Alright then Squiddy, let me try and hold it!" Squidward raised his brow. "Are you so sure about that?" He said this as he begins walking away, leaving Squilliam to grab air. "There may be a chance that, it won't like you." [laughing] Squilliam narrows his eyes while he ran after Squidward and gets infront of him. "Oh and, what's gonna happen?"

"Alright well, you asked for it!"

The cephalopod joked as he placed the marble egg in Squilliam's hands, as soon as he let go, Squilliam suddenly dropped to the floor. Startling him. "Squid! How much does this thing Weigh?"

"Come on Squil! It Can't possibly be That Heavy!"

"But Squidward I-I Can't Get Up!"

Squilliam said as he was only able to set himself up on his knees, though he was unable to move his arms. Squidward frowns while Squilliam was straining. "Seriously-Squidward I Can't Even Get Up!" The cephalopod then scratches his head in thought. "That's odd-both SpongeBob, and his friend Patrick, had the exact same problem." With Squilliam trying to find a way to knock the marble egg out of his hands, but having no luck. "Now that I think about it, neither of them were able to lift it but me-"

"And you say this Now?"

Squidward just gives his rival a confused glance. "I honestly thought they were just weak! Well, SpongeBob is anyway, but Patrick on the other tentacle is-"

"If I could cut you off, why don't you come over here and-Take Your Egg Back?!"

He then crosses his arms, although his amusement was building up. "I did warn you before hand, didn't I?" Especially as Squilliam was slowly becoming frustrated. "I guess-[laughs]-I guess It doesn't like you after all, eh, Squil?"

"I fail to see your amusement in all this!"

Squilliam raised his voice over his rival's laughter. "You seriously can't get up?"

"Squidward, If I was able to get up, do you really think I would've already?"

The wealthy cephalopod glared at Squidward as he continues laughing. "Oh, Oh Neptune this-This just made my day!" [snickering]

"Squidward!"

"Wait! Wait I Can't...[laughing] I Need My Camera!"

"Whhhat?!"

Laughing, Squidward raced off, leaving the half stunned cephalopod on the floor. "Ge-Get Back Here Squidward!" Three minutes later, the tickled octopus returns. "If You Don't Take Your Artifact Back Squidward I'll-" The wealthy cephalopod then stopped when he sees his rival holding a camera. "Don't-Don't You Dare!"

"Smile And Say Cheeees!"

"Don't You Dare Push That-Ah!" Squidward pressed the button. "Perfect! Now I'll have something to cheer me up when I'm-" He then paused when he glanced at the picture. "Oh, Squilliam your eyes were closed!" Holding his camera back up, Squidward took acouple more while Squilliam was grumbling. "Ah! Squidward! This Seriously Is Not Funny Anymore!" The cephalopod was pretty much grinning ear to ear while he studies the pictures. "Hey, talk to the writer of this story, not me!"

"Enjoy it while you can, as soon as I'm free, you can bet that I'm going to tear those photos to shreds!"

The high class octopus threatens the highly amused octopus while stomping his legs, who just snickers in response. "You'll have to Find Them First!" Once again, Squidward darts off. "Squiiiiiiiiiiiwwwwwward!" Squidward hid the photos well, having several little nooks and crannies around his house, putting them in spots that he knew Squilliam would never even think to look. Done with hiding these picture, Squidward whistles alittle tune as he's coming down his stairs, smiling as he went over to stand beside Squilliam. "Don't think that I won't find those pictures Squiddy!"

"Oh, I don't doubt that you won't find at least some of them. But you won't find all of them Squil" [laughs]

Squidward rests his arm on his rival's head while he grumbles. "By the way, my arms are falling asleep! Not to mention that my hands are throbbing! So If you don't mind, Take Your Artifact Back Already! I think we all get the point by now!"

"I suppose you're right, party pooper!"

Snickering under his breath, Squidward raised himself back up, relieving Squilliam of that extra weight. "But, at the very least, I Finally got my Payback!"

"Payba-What Payback?"

"Payback for that prank you pulled on my last week! Remember?"  
"Ooooh! That Payback!"

"Yes Squil, so there you go! I did tell you I'd get you back, but who would've thought It come from a simple little artifact?" The cephalopod mused as he finally takes up the marble egg, setting Squilliam free, much to his relief. Though he was abit slow getting back up. [chuckles]-"Good Ancient Artifact!" Squidward teased while Squilliam was messaging his hands. "No way am I parting with this now!"  
Squilliam shot a glare at Squidward as he placed the egg back on it's marble podium. "Don't look at me like that! You always humiliate me! I've got to have my fun to you know!"

"But don't think I'll fall for that a second time-"

"You're right! Maybe when you're asleep." Squidward gives his rival a smug glance. "I'd like to see you try!"

"Guess I'll just have to try harder next time. " The octopus then elbows Squilliam, who returns that same smug look. "Howbout not!"

"To late, I feel as I've been issued a challenge!"

"A challenge that's sure to fail Squiddy!"

"Don't think I won't find a way! Because I will."

Squilliam crosses his arms. "I'll just have to sleep with my eyes open then!" Rolling his eyes in response, Squidward simply begins dusting his marble artifact. [clears throat]-"Yeah, worry about that whenever I get a map! In the meantime, I'm just can't help but wonder where this even came from to begin with!" The wealthy octopus just shrugs, having nothing else to say. His watch begins beeping. "Well Squiddy, I've got an appointment to meet." Squilliam said as he turns and walks away, putting away the duster, Squidward followed his old rival out.  
"But you can bet I'll be back for those photos Squiddy!"

"Good! I'll go buy a Stop Watch so that I can time just how long It takes you!"

"That shouldn't be a problem, with as small as your house is your hiding spots will be limited!" Laughing, Squilliam just leaves. "Oh Yeah? Just You Wait!" Squidward shouted as he simply shut his door, without given his rival a chance to reply. He let out a deep sigh before going back to his artifact. "I suppose, I should try and find out more about this thing while I'm at it." He said this as he let out a yawn and stretched.  
"Right after I take a nap." Now feeling worn out, Squidward heads upstairs to his bedroom and sinks into his bed.


End file.
